this turbulent love

Chapter 37

Chapter 37

When people are really desperate to a certain extent, they probably don't have any thoughts or reactions.

When the luck in Gu Yan's heart was ruthlessly shattered, tears could no longer express his current mood, and everything he wanted to do was blank, and he finally collapsed.Yes, it's not that Jian Mo doesn't like him, but that liking can be so small that it can be ignored.

He raised his eyes and looked at the room that could be used to satirize the relationship between them: "Jian Mo's past", and showed a very bright smile. He smiled, and probably couldn't hold on anymore.He raised his palm again, feeling that his tears were about to drip down, but everything in his eyes was clear and real, and even the power he wanted to escape for a moment was deprived, he put down his hand as if giving up, and flattened his body feet, sitting in the study.

Turning on the phone, the text messages and photos in the phone are all about him and Jian Mo. It has been a long time since he chatted with his friends, and his life is almost all focused on Jian Mo.He gave Jian Mo everything he had, and then realized that he was probably nothing in the other party's heart. He wanted to laugh at the huge contrast.

When the lights came on, the last ray of daylight in the room was taken away by the night, and he replaced it with an unreal night light. He left the room in the hazy night, then slowly closed the door of the room, turned and went downstairs, his back stretched Then disappear.Gu Yan took away his clothes. He left Jian Mo with these pitiful things. The rest had already been taken away at the beginning of school. He thought that he would buy a pair with Jian Mo again when he had time. , but now, he lowered his gloomy eyes, he probably couldn't do it.

He walked towards the door step by step, as if he was stepping out of the space between them, everything about him and Jian Mo in this house, he clenched the bag in his hand more and more, and then put down the luggage in a slump.

What is he?Clown or stand-in?Is it because he looks pitiful?Why did he embarrass him so much, let him look forward to the fact that after ecstasy gave him such a heavy collapse.Heh, he looked at his feet, but he still couldn't let go of it again and again, showing a different side of himself to Jian Mo, the other side that is so fascinating.

He wanted to hate him, but he didn't even have the energy to hate him. Now that he wanted to leave Jian Mo, it was like cutting off his respirator.But he looked at the key in his hand, he couldn't go on anymore, he couldn't go on deceiving himself, he didn't want to be the shadow of others, and live in the shadow of others forever.

Thinking of this, he picked up his luggage again, left the apartment, and closed the time that belonged to them.

Gu Yan probably had another convulsion recently.This is the conclusion Li Sheng and Wu Yu came to after three days of observation.Recently, there was a party in the courtyard. After Gu Yan was busy with Professor Chen's work, he ran there every three days, and returned to the state of not giving himself a little time when he got the thesis.

For this situation, Li Sheng and Wu Yu had no choice but to support their foreheads, it was really enough...they didn't come to college to learn how to be first aiders...by the way, Gu Yan's handsome cousin last time What's the phone number?He said that if there was anything wrong with Gu Yan, he could come to him.

The two of them immediately took out their phones and frantically searched for Gu Yan's cousin.But after the two searched over and over again and still couldn't find it, then they remembered that the two of them left in such a hurry last time that they didn't even take out their mobile phones, so they returned the mobile phone number.Thinking of this, the two of them felt hopeless, so they had to silently turn on their mobile phones 24 hours a day and turn the volume up to the maximum so as not to miss Gu Yan's 'distress call'. They looked at each other like they were in college. A child is generally worried.

Gu Yan didn't dare to stop at all recently, he was afraid that if he stopped, he would recall the past and present facts, and he didn't want to recall or bear those things at all, no matter if they were good or bad.He originally wanted to ask Professor Chen to give him some weight, but Professor Chen didn't know what he was busy with recently, and he didn't even have the strength to give him a glance, so he waved his hand to let Gu Yan do the problems by himself and not let Gu Yan bother him .

When Gu Yan was looking around for things, he just happened to know that there was going to be a party in the courtyard, so he immediately ran to help. The one who was there, the members of the Youth League committee had been familiar with Gu Yan for a long time. Seeing Gu Yan like this, he knew something was wrong with him but didn't know what to do. , and try to do better with what you have.

Gu Yan had never expected that the preparation time for the party would pass more slowly, but the time did not go as expected, the party arrived almost in the blink of an eye, and the day it started was also the day before Jian Mo came back.Gu Yan was almost driven crazy by the news of 'Jian Mo is coming back soon' and the strong emotions in his heart, and he didn't have time to spare every day, so he wished he could drive himself to death.

On the day when the party started, Gu Yan's complexion was already very bad, but he didn't seem to care at all, even if he had done everything well, he still couldn't stop at all.Wang Qi, who was still the host this time, saw Gu Yan like this and ran over to ask Gu Yan. She felt that Gu Yan was working too hard, making others afraid that Gu Yan would suddenly collapse while making props.

But Gu Yan was just joking with her but didn't stop what he was doing. She sighed and patted Gu Yan's shoulder.

The party was held as scheduled, without Jian Mo, but it was still going well. Gu Yan sat in the first row and watched the lights flickering on the stage, but his eyes were blank and dull. He didn't know where to stay. He didn't know what to do tomorrow. How to face Jian Mo, no, he didn't dare to see Jian Mo, he should leave.Thinking of this, Gu Yan had been forced not to think about himself and Jian Mo during this period of time, and the past of Jian Mo and Xiaoqian began to occupy his mind rampantly. Gu Yan wanted to do other things to dispel these things. , as before.

He closed his eyes, suppressed the sourness and panic and despair in his heart, and tried to focus on the stage.When he was trying to do this, he was suddenly patted on the shoulder, and he turned his head. It was a sophomore senior, looking very anxious, and quickly gestured for Gu Yan to go with him with his fingers.

Gu Yan was stunned for a moment, then bent down and followed the senior to the backstage.The day after tomorrow is really too lively now, the people who perform in various programs and performances remind people of being crowded and noisy.Gu Yan followed the senior all the way to the front of a row of clothes before stopping. He was at a loss until the senior took off his clothes and put on the outfit that was obviously for the party before he hurriedly asked the reason.

The senior was so anxious that it was autumn and his head was still sweating all the time. He didn't have time to explain to Gu Yan in detail, so he could only explain the situation to Gu Yan in three sentences at a time.The male soloist who was originally lined up, the boy suddenly fell ill and couldn't come, and he couldn't find anyone else for the time being, and then Wang Qian recommended Gu Yan, so this scene happened.

No matter how nervous Gu Yan was, he was stunned now, so he went on stage without any preparation? !But seeing that the senior looked like he was grasping for a life-saving straw, and had helped him get dressed in almost the same clothes, he still silently swallowed the words that had reached his throat and wanted to refuse.Forget it, let's treat a dead horse as a living horse doctor. It's not that he hasn't done it in the coffee shop, and he doesn't want to lose the chain at the critical moment of the party he helped prepare for so long.

After letting the senior find the accompaniment for the song he sang, Gu Yan only had time to try the sound before he was reminded to get ready to go on stage.He took a deep breath, and then waited for the person in front of him to finish before preparing to step onto the stage steadily, if his slightly trembling fingertips were ignored.

This is really a good way.He thought in this way, and then waited until the accompaniment sounded to regain his senses, then hurried up, sat down on the high stool prepared in advance, held the microphone, and opened his mouth softly after the accompaniment sang:

"The long alley that can't be walked is so long.

The endless playground turned out to be so small

Time's hands turn the clouds and rain what?

what was taken from me

Close your eyes and see the 16-year-old sunset as beautiful as us

Walking and singing naive, romantic and brave thinking that we can go far

we loved before, it hurts when think about it

............

Obviously love but don’t know what to do to make love strong and unbreakable

Why is life not allowed to correct the past by waiting for people to grow up?

It hurts me that I had you"

...... A deep and hoarse voice gradually came, and the originally noisy scene suddenly became quiet.Gu Yan closed his eyes, thinking about himself and Jian Mo, his heart was sore, he almost shed tears, he thought, just use this song to say goodbye to Jian Mo, forgive him for not being able to meet Jian Mo He was also afraid of himself.

The additional light beams made him feel even more that he was alone, staying in such a place alone, and he no longer expected to be redeemed.He has never cared much about his own body, and he has never had a healthy stomach, and he always comes out to make troubles. He smiles, that's fine, the more it hurts...he realizes how stupid he is.

As if he was paying homage to something, he used a pious attitude that made people feel distressed, until he finished singing the last word, and slowly left the stage with heavy steps.Applause suddenly erupted on the stage, and many people's eyes shone with tears in the evening lights.

After he stepped off the stage, he left without stopping for a moment, and he didn't slow down until he reached the downstairs of the dormitory.

-------

He covered his stomach. He didn't take good care of himself last time. He has never paid much attention to his body, let alone his recent state.The phone rang, and he took it out of his coat pocket. Is it Professor Chen?He took a breather, walked to a corner near the dormitory, squatted on the ground and picked up the phone. Professor Chen's voice over there was very tired but sounded very happy.

"Gu Yan, you've made a lot of money, kid. I've passed the thesis I asked you to do last time, and now you can choose..." Professor Chen was probably really happy, and he spoke incoherently, Gu Yan couldn't help it. It took some work to figure it out.After his last paper was handed in, it was discovered that it was written by a sophomore student. The school was recently engaged in an exchange project, and it happened that Professor Chen was in charge. Professor Chen asked Gu Yan to do that paper. It's also for this project, so now as long as Gu Yan agrees.

Gu Yan went back to Professor Chen and asked him to think about it before hanging up the phone. Of course he knew that the professor was doing it for his own good, but now his stomach really couldn't take it anymore.

After going upstairs with all his strength, Gu Yan lost his strength after taking the medicine.He wiped off his cold sweat, and stuffed himself with some food before he felt his body gradually warming up.Li Sheng and Wu Yu weren't there, so they probably took advantage of the party to go out all night. Gu Yan looked at the quiet and ugly dormitory where he was alone, and smiled wryly. Recently, he always felt that he was the only one left.

After the momentum subsided, Gu Yan went to the bathroom to wash up, wiped off his sweat, and then went to bed and lay down.He only had the brains to think about what Professor Chen just told him just now, the timing was really too coincidental, just at this time.In fact, Professor Chen mentioned it earlier, but at that time, he didn't know how likely his thesis was to pass, and another reason was that he didn't want to be separated from Jian Mo, so he didn't have much hope. None mentioned.

Now... Now he just wants to leave, but the last hesitation disappeared when he saw Jian Mo calling. He laughed at himself because of Jian Mo.

Gu Yan regretted it when he picked up the phone, he didn't know what to say.He only had Yu Wenqian in his mind now, and he still had random questioning words, or he was sorry, and Jian Mo's voice came over when he was at a loss, and it was still the same as before.

Gu Yan suddenly seemed to be scalded by himself, and felt his eye sockets burn.Then he heard Jian Mo say sorry.He said he might be back two days late.As soon as Gu Yan's heart moved, his mouth already asked, asking who Jian Mo was with.There was a moment of silence over there, and then in the same tone as usual:

"Xiaoqian, his birthday is going to be in two days."

If it was the old Gu Yan who heard this sentence, he must have had no reaction, but now that he heard this sentence, if he said that he would not feel sad when he answered the phone, then now he admits that he overestimated himself.

He tried his best to keep his voice steady, "Have fun." After a pause, Gu Yan looked at the ceiling, then turned to the phone:

"Jian Mo," Jian Mo over there said nothing, as if waiting for him to say something. "Take care of yourself."

Because, I may not be able to take care of you like before.

After answering a sentence with a smile, he hung up.Gu Yan looked at the notification that the call was over, and the tears that he thought were gone, gradually fell on his pillow, and then passed out.

He returned a text message to Professor Chen.

Professor, I will go.

The author has something to say: uh...

I've been a little busy recently. Haha

I also hesitated to write.

Little details and all that.

I think I must be smart!