Girl Band, Gravity Capture

Page 123

Chapter Fifty-Eight: A Cry from the Edge

"Oh... it's an event during Golden Week..."

After the two finished sharing their inner struggles, a still-shaken Chihaya Aine patted her flat chest and muttered under her breath, "I thought you two were hiding something..."

"What are you thinking about all day?" Shiina Riki raised an eyebrow in disdain. "Are you guys really that bored?"

“It really is true—” she leaned back triumphantly. “Oh, it’s so good that Yuqiu didn’t force us to make arrangements, don’t you think, Xiaodeng?”

"Huh?...Um, um..." Takamatsu Akari, who was suddenly called on, was stunned for a moment and nodded weakly in response.

Shiina Tatsuki's gaze gradually turned hostile, as if he were about to launch into another heated debate with a "Huh?!"

Noticing that her face was slowly darkening, and suddenly realizing that her words had included Yuan Xudou as well, Chihaya Aine quickly changed the subject before she could get angry.

"Xu Douqin, Xu Douqin, what are your plans?" Knowing exactly how to silence Shiina Riki, she leaned closer to the boy and asked curiously, "I remember that the school festival in Tokyo allows students to visit the school, right? I'd like to go and take a look too."

When asked, Yuan Xudou did not give an immediate answer, but turned his head slightly to look out the window.

Gazing at his reflection in the dark glass refracting the neon lights, his voice remained calm and serene, unaffected by the girl's hopes and expectations.

"I don't plan to participate."

The mentor's words were sincere and pleasant to hear, and the reasoning was sound – principles he had fully understood years ago, but had never intended to put into practice.

He had no interest in shining in front of others, nor did he want to be a dazzling presence in the spotlight to show off his abilities and talents and gain the approval of the group—the truth does not mean that everyone has to be like that; there are always people who are not interested in fame and praise, and Yuan Xudou just happened to be one of them.

No matter how eloquently the teacher spoke, not participating was a decision he had made long ago. His only worry was how to politely refuse the other person's concern without appearing arrogant or immature—he had fully considered and understood the pros and cons before making his choice, and there was no impulsive decision to be unconventional.

Using other people's opinions to constrain him... the coercive effect is almost zero.

Upon hearing his decision, Hachiman Kairin, who had been listening silently to the side, nodded with satisfaction, appearing to resonate with his sentiments, while Chihaya Aine pursed her lips with a hint of regret.

"Hey...wouldn't it be great to shine in front of everyone? I performed on stage back in junior high, and everyone's reaction was really enthusiastic..." She tugged at Yuan Xudou's arm, "Why don't you think about it again? Maybe it'll be really fun?"

"I really want to see Xu Douqin's performance, okay?" She simply used her sweet voice to coax him.

Shiina Riki couldn't stand it anymore.

"Don't impose your own ideas on others, unless Xu Dou wants to—"

Before she could finish speaking, Chihaya Aine turned around and stared at her intently, her gray eyes conveying an unspoken seriousness.

...Being glared at like that, she suddenly remembered that she and Chihaya Aine were on the same side regarding the hope that Genji would return to the stage.

I'm used to not getting along with her, and this time I almost dragged her down.

...The overall situation is of paramount importance.

Shiina Tatsuki remained silent, propping her elbows on the table, looking somewhat uncomfortable. She silently turned her head away, as if trying to hide something, and began to drink the coffee in front of her.

Having dealt with the troublesome Shiina Tatsuki, Chihaya Aine turned her gaze to Takamatsu Akari, who seemed somewhat dazed.

"Tomorin, you think so too, right?"

“…I…” She shrank back as if startled, clenching her small hands tightly. Compared to before, she seemed more timid, like a small animal that had been hurt before, maintaining a flustered vigilance towards everything related to her, especially in front of him.

Therefore, Gen Xudou, with a slight frown, shielded her from Chihaya Aine's words, hoping she would take sides.

"Aiyin, don't let the light..."

"I want to go...!"

He turned his head in astonishment. Across from him, Gao Songdeng was clutching his collar tightly, struggling to suppress his voice as he barely could breathe, but he couldn't help but shout out, "I want to perform with Xu Dou...! Everyone together...!"

"A song that belongs to everyone, the feelings I shared with Heo Doo... I want to sing it again...!"

"If it's not like this... if it's not like this...!"

The feelings I want to convey, the pain I want to be understood... I just can't express them properly...

"Cough... Ooh, cough cough!"

Almost squeezing all the air out of his lungs, turning it into the most desperate and urgent shouts, Gao Songdeng, who was panting heavily, finally coughed violently, but the sudden surge of obsessive nostalgia still echoed in his heart.

If it's not like this... if it's not like this...

I... I can't do anything anymore...

Amid the girl's painful sobs, the crowd, who had been shocked by her sudden shout, snapped out of their daze. Chihaya Aine hurriedly tried to stand up, but Genjiro Tou was one step ahead, even getting to Takamatsu Akari's side before Shiina Tatsuki could reach her. He held the girl, whose eyes were overflowing with physiological tears, in his arms and patted her back comfortingly.

Somewhat surprised, Hachiman Kairin hesitated, pressing her knuckles against her lower lip. She suddenly felt that she, the only one standing aside, seemed so out of place.

After a series of almost subconscious movements, Takamatsu Akira stopped breathing violently as if he were about to cough up blood, and instead let out a few broken sobs between breaths.

She fell silent, and RiNG fell into a deathly silence as well.

The commotion clearly wasn't confined to their table. It was currently one of RiNG's busiest times of day, and many customers, drawn by the noise, were peeking in, some even seemingly wanting to get up and go closer to see what had happened.

Rinko Maji, who was standing in front of the counter and checking on the situation from time to time, was stunned for a moment. She quickly reacted, ran out from behind the counter, and stopped the curious customers.

Wearing a shop assistant uniform, Shiina Tatsuki was forced to stand up as well. With a complicated expression, she gritted her teeth, barely suppressing her turbulent emotions, and went to other tables to explain the situation.

As she left, the girl walked hurriedly, each step heavy.

Perhaps, she was also taking this opportunity to escape this... sticky, lifeless place that she couldn't face.

The three remaining people, with nowhere to escape, fell into a suffocating silence.

Chapter Fifty-Nine: The Harm of Self-Praised Guilt

"Xu, Xu Douqin, Xiaodeng...she..."

Is the obsession with lamps such a heavy thing?

Not to mention Hachiman Kairin, who knew nothing about the situation, even Chihaya Aine, who had some connection to the matter, was about to be unable to withstand that twisting gravity—it was like being on the edge of a dark, lightless black hole, and if you didn't desperately try to escape, you would only be pulled closer and closer until you fell into it.

She didn't understand how Gao Songdeng had developed such a gloomy, closed-off, yet intensely frightening mindset, completely different from her usual soft and harmless demeanor. But she did know that the only one who could change this was probably Yuan Xudou, who was already deeply involved in it.

However, such a conflict is far too intense.

Kyorarin hasn't changed her mind yet, and if their ideologies clash head-on, it will definitely end with one side giving in... Last time it was Little Lantern, but she clearly doesn't intend to tolerate it this time.

What should I do... how can I resolve this conflict...?

Chihaya Aine, think quickly... Aren't you usually pretty quick-witted...?

While she was deep in thought, Takamatsu, who was curled up against Yuan Xudou's chest, turned to the side and grabbed his collar.

Slender, cool fingertips slipped inside the gap in his collar, and he could even feel the knuckles rubbing against his collarbone. Her fingers trembled, but her hands clenched tightly. Her face was buried in his clothes, and something damp seemed to be visible on her skin.

Crying is a natural human instinct for catharsis... but many people have forgotten how to cry.

When you feel sad or desperate, if you can't even shed tears, you'll only become more and more miserable and lonely, like an insect unable to break free of its cocoon, trapped and dying from the constraints it has created for itself.

From Genjiro's past gentleness and understanding, Takamatsu Akari rediscovered her ability to cry as a human being. Even if those were just physiological tears, even if she still couldn't fully understand or process those emotions... at least she learned to express them.

What makes people want to cry is often not the continuous pain, but more often, the unexpected care that comes after the pain. Only when they feel at ease and believe that they will not be hurt or abandoned again can they have the right to vent.

This is when they are most vulnerable, but also when their hearts are closest to each other.

...Yuan Xudou knew that Gao Songdeng was avoiding him.

She dared not meet his gaze, dared not speak much to him; her amber eyes were always shrouded in a misty negativity. He could understand her grief and sorrow, but he could never find the reason behind it... From the very beginning, she was an enigmatic girl, doing things that ordinary people couldn't understand. Even he had to observe her for a long time before he could truly touch the heart of the lamp.

It's always like this: hesitant in doing things, stammering in speaking. He wants to move forward, but even taking the first step is unsteady, and he doesn't know how to land. He needs his patient comfort and support before he can finally step firmly on the ground.

I've only learned to walk slowly, but I always love to run.

In the attic, she awkwardly yet proactively grabbed his clothes, offering her lips, letting their lips and tongues gently and sweetly touch, gradually melting together. What was she thinking at that moment?

Ultimately, does Deng really know what romantic love between men and women is? Or is she just imitating the intimacy of other girls? Does she understand what a first kiss means and what it represents? It is the beginning of a girl's purity, and it can almost be said to be one of the most unforgettable moments in a person's life.

Su Shi understood the preciousness of that unique gift, and Xiangzi was willing to share it with him. Mu's acceptance clearly showed that she had made up her mind. But Deng... her message was too obscure, as if she were driven by some impulse, making a decision that she herself might not even understand.

Just like wanting to form a band with him for life... I instinctively pushed the boundaries to the maximum I could imagine, thinking that this would keep everything I wanted. But have I really thought seriously about the weight of that promise?

Yuan Xudou understands Gao Songdeng, but because of this, he doesn't understand her.

...But at least for now.

He finally, after taking a very long and winding path, and through the cleansing of a few overflowing tears, touched her heart after everything had collapsed.

She felt guilty towards him.

...Just as he felt guilty for not being able to continue to help her realize her wish to be understood by more people, and for not being able to maintain everything so that she could express her feelings, Takamatsu felt guilty towards Won Heo-doo.

Both felt guilty towards each other, yet neither knew it. They were doing things that made each other sad, yet they considered it a necessity.

He didn't want Chihaya Aine to incite Takamatsu Akari to influence his decisions, and the girl misinterpreted this as a sign of distrust. She felt excluded from his attention, and this caused her immense pain and confusion, to the point of unbearable distress.

"Because...it's all my fault..."

No... how could it be the light's fault?

"It was me... I didn't persevere... At the most crucial moment, I ran away... If it weren't for that... Xu Dou wouldn't have been disappointed, and everyone would have..."

The disbandment of 【CryCHIC】was not for this reason at all. Everyone... just did what they thought was the right choice at that time.

Everyone did the right thing, yet they pushed things into the deepest abyss of error.

Xiangzi's departure, Mu's denial, Deng's escapism, Lixi's questioning, and even Sushi's final act of tolerance... all made everything irreversible.

Taking all the blame for something is a completely obsessive and unwarranted disaster.

“That’s not your fault, Deng…” He gently patted the girl’s back, but all he got in return was an even more uneasy trembling.

“…If only I could be a little braver…if only I could be a little more persistent…” She was almost completely immersed in her own world, like a moonlit shimmering mirror, stubbornly murmuring, “It wouldn’t have happened…”

You wouldn't... leave me...

"This time, I want to stick with it..."

She's too deeply involved.

The first time you receive someone's wholehearted understanding is like the first star to shine in a dark sky. When it dims, you will naturally reach out desperately to try to grasp the last bit of light.

She didn't want to go back to the past... it's just that the band was the only way she understood how to make that star shine. So, she stubbornly wanted to walk the same path again.

Whether it's the original band or not isn't that important.

Even though it was the wrong path in his heart, she was completely unaware of it.

...But what is the right path?

Yuan Xudou was experiencing an unprecedented and painful sense of confusion.

Chapter Sixty: The Nameless Band

"It's all...my fault..."

Gao Songdeng sobbed softly, the water droplets that had spread out gradually drying, but her hand, which was clutching Yuan Xudou's collar, tightened even more obsessively and uneasily.

She murmured and repeated it, as if she wanted to vomit out all the confusion, distress, and pain that had accumulated in her stomach.

“…No.” His hand, too, gently, carrying the lingering melancholy of that summer, caressed the girl's hair. “That’s not—”

"How could it be the lamp's fault?!"

A shrill, restless questioning voice rang out. Shiina Tatsuki, who had just returned after dealing with the curiosity of the surrounding guests, turned around and heard Takamatsu Akari's self-reproachful sobs.

As memories flooded her mind, her eyes reddened slightly, and her hands, hanging by her sides, clenched until they turned white.

"It was clearly that Xiangzi who started it first...!"

"——Lixi!"

"Little Lixi...!"

"Rikki!"

The three of them interrupted her angry outburst, which was aimed at assigning blame.