harleyscars Page 109
Page 109
……
Three days later, on her way home after finishing her part-time job, her phone vibrated; a new email had appeared in her inbox.
Nanami's heart started pounding wildly.
With trembling hands, she opened the email.
[Notification Regarding the Selection Test Results]
Ms. Aoyama Nanami:
Thank you so much for participating in this casting call. After careful consideration by the production committee, we are very sorry to inform you that...
"……Eh?"
Nanami called out blankly.
She blinked hard, thinking she must be seeing things.
She brought the phone screen close to her eyes and read it word by word.
no change.
She did not pass the audition.
how come……
how so……
She performed so well, she worked so hard, so why? What went wrong?
Is it that she's not good enough? Or was all her effort a joke from the very beginning?
The phone slipped from my limp hand and fell to the ground with a "thud".
Nanami felt as if he had been punched in the stomach; his stomach was churning, but he couldn't vomit anything.
She didn't know how she got back to her apartment.
She opened the door to find the room completely dark. Without turning on the light, she collapsed limply in the entryway, as if all her strength had been drained.
The trophy, which she had polished to a shine and placed in the most conspicuous position, now seemed so glaring, as if silently mocking her overestimation of her abilities.
Nanami crawled into the room on all fours, lay down heavily, and buried her face deep in the pillow.
"Woo..."
The sob that had been suppressed for so long finally escaped from deep in her throat.
Immediately following was an uncontrollable, heart-wrenching sob.
She hugged the tiger pillow and vented loudly.
"Torajiro... I failed to win..."
"I tried so hard...why...why is it still not working..."
"Am I... really not talented...? Should I... not have had this dream at all...?"
This blow was heavier than any criticism or ridicule.
All her confidence and pride were shattered at that moment.
The room was a mess, with clothes she had carelessly discarded, scripts she had practiced, and books scattered about.
She didn't have the energy to clean up, nor did she want to.
This small space, like her heart at this moment, is chaotic, collapsing, and devoid of any light.
She curled up at the foot of the bed, letting her tears soak her pillow, until she cried herself to sleep.
In a daze, she returned to her elementary school Chinese language class.
At that time, the teacher asked her to stand up and read the text aloud, and she read it in a clear, childlike voice with a Kansai accent.
After reading, the teacher smiled and said to the whole class, "Listen, everyone, how well Qi Hai read! How expressive and heartfelt he was!"
Her classmates cast envious glances at her, and the little girl straightened her chest.
That was where her dream began.
……
Volume 1: Chapter 119: From Despair to Hope, My Former Self
In the hospital ward.
Yuto Itsuka quietly watched the girl on the screen, curled up in a ball, exuding an aura of despair.
He did not act immediately.
He knew that any comfort or encouragement at this moment would only have the opposite effect.
Some wounds can only be licked by oneself, and some pain is the price that must be paid for growth.
A towering tree cannot grow in a greenhouse; without experiencing wind and rain, how can one see a rainbow?
What he needed to do was not to immediately help her up when she fell, but to help her understand on her own how to stand up and go further.
He turned off the screen, leaned against the headboard, and gently closed his eyes.
Green mountains and seven seas, this is your test.
Overcome this obstacle, and you will be transformed.
……
The shadow of failure completely stained Aoyama Nanami's life with gray afterwards.
After the initial breakdown, what remained was not resentment, but a deep-seated weariness and emptiness.
Nanami didn't even have the strength to struggle anymore.
She didn't go back to the voice acting school; instead, she sent a message requesting a long leave of absence, citing health reasons.
She didn't go to work and locked herself in that messy apartment all day.
The curtains were tightly drawn, shutting out all light and sound from the outside world.
The room was littered with leftover instant noodle containers, snack wrappers, and scattered clothes, all piled up together.
Her once treasured professional books and speech corrector were carelessly tossed aside in a corner, and the trophy that symbolized her glory was covered with a cloth.
She spent most of her time lying in bed, holding Torajiro, staring blankly at the ceiling.
My mind is blank; I don't want to think about anything, and I can't remember anything.
The feeling was like having your soul ripped from your body, leaving only a lifeless shell.
My phone keeps lighting up with messages of concern from classmates and friends.
"Nanami, are you alright? Your teacher and we are all very worried about you."
"Are you sick? Contact me anytime if you need help."
She glanced at it, then turned the phone screen down and tossed it aside.
How should I reply?
He said that because he failed the selection test, he became despondent and hid away like a stray dog.
It was so embarrassing. She couldn't imagine how others would look at her. Would they pity her? Or would they laugh at her behind her back, saying she was indeed no good?
Time passed in this daze.
One afternoon, she was awakened by a feeling of hunger.
She groped her way out of bed, opened the refrigerator, and found it empty except for a bottle of mineral water that was about to expire.
She then realized that she hadn't eaten much for almost two days and her living expenses were already gone.
never mind.
Thinking this, she closed the refrigerator door and prepared to climb back into her bed.
Just then, her gaze inadvertently fell upon the high school application handbook that was carelessly tossed on the table.
That was handed out by the homeroom teacher beforehand, so that everyone could consider their future career paths.
She walked over as if possessed and picked up the booklet.
My fingers scrolled aimlessly, skipping over all the professional pages related to "drama," "art," and "broadcasting."
Economics, international relations, literature...
Graduates of these majors will likely become ordinary office workers, commuting on crowded trams every day, living a nine-to-five life, spending weekends shopping and watching movies with friends, and then, when they reach a suitable age, finding someone decent to marry and have children.
Stable, uneventful, without any ripples.
Isn't this the life her parents always wanted her to live?
She suddenly remembered her father, and the way his face turned red with anger when she decided to come to Tokyo to pursue her dream of becoming a voice actress.
"Voice acting? Can you make a living off that? You're a girl, why don't you just go to university peacefully and find a job in your hometown? Why do you have to go to a place like Tokyo to suffer!"
"Let me tell you, I absolutely disagree! If you dare to go, then don't acknowledge me as your father anymore!"
At the time, she felt that her father was unreasonable and that they did not understand her dreams at all.
With a rebellious determination, she resolutely boarded the train to Tokyo.
But now, she feels that perhaps... what her father said was right.
Was I really too naive? Thinking that as long as I had passion and was willing to work hard, I would definitely succeed.
Perhaps from the very beginning, this world never reserved a place for her dreams.
Let's go back to Osaka.
A voice quietly rose in her heart.
I went back to that familiar place, apologized to my parents, and said that I was tired and didn't want to keep going.
Then, live like a normal girl.
Although I will feel very unwilling, at least... I won't be in as much pain as I am now.
She took out her phone, found her father's name in her contacts, and hesitated for a long time.
She can end it all by simply pressing this call button.
Tiger Jiro lay quietly on the bed, looking at her with its plastic eyes. It could not give her any response or any strength.
At that moment, she felt an unprecedented loneliness.
"What should I do... Torajiro..." she murmured to herself, her voice filled with confusion.
She ultimately didn't dial that number.
It wasn't because there was still any hope, but simply because I didn't have the strength to face the possible blame coming from the other end of the phone.
She tossed her phone aside and buried herself back under the covers.
……
Late at night, Aoyama Nanami tossed and turned in bed, unable to fall asleep.
To give up or to persevere? The two thoughts clashed repeatedly in her mind, giving her a splitting headache.
Is she really willing to go back so dejectedly?
She could almost hear a tiny voice deep inside her questioning her.
She felt an unprecedented sense of powerlessness and exhaustion, and her eyelids grew heavier and heavier.
Just as she was about to drift off to sleep, her phone screen suddenly lit up and made a soft "ding" sound.
That's the notification sound for a new email.
Aoyama Nanami didn't even lift her eyelids.
She is now numb and bored with any outside information.
It's probably another greeting from a classmate.
She turned over, covered her head with the blanket, and tried to completely block out the faint light and sound.