Eccentricity

Chapter 36 You're Unworthy

Chen Ziran found a job in sanitation that paid [-] yuan a month.

This was outsourced by the middle-aged woman who introduced her to the job. The woman's real name was unclear, so she asked Chen Ziran to call her Sister Wu.The name of Sister Wu is listed in the Environmental Sanitation Bureau, five thousand five thousand a month, five insurances and one housing fund are complete, and there are also a lot of welfare subsidies on holidays. She uses the salary of one thousand two thousand a month and the conditions of including accommodation to invite Chen Ziran Going to work for her, playing cards and drinking tea by myself every day, the net income is four thousand three thousand.

Of course, Chen Ziran didn't know, even if she knew, she couldn't refuse such a job in front of her. She had been looking for a job for several days, and she ran almost all the job hunting places within a few kilometers around her. No, people don't need to ask her questions during the interview, just looking at her face will eliminate her, not to mention that Chen Ziran still has an inflexible right hand.

In the past few days, the only ones who extended an olive branch to Chen Ziran were those scam companies who had to pay a deposit of three to five hundred before receiving their wages.

That night, she and Sister Wu went to the place where she was arranged to stay.It is said that accommodation is included, but when I went to the place, I found that the so-called dormitory was an abandoned underground garage of a farmer's house. The floor tiles were not even paved, the wet and cracked concrete floor, and the bottom of the wall could still see wet water stains. The walls were painted. A thin layer of latex paint, and an old-fashioned small double-opening window to connect to the outside world. Half of the window is blocked by a newly built ramp, and it is impossible to push it out. There was a damp and musty smell, which was worse than the group rented house where Chen Ziran lived these days.

"This... This is your dormitory." Sister Wu herself knew that the condition of the semi-basement garage was not good, she explained to Chen Ziran with a smile, "The environment is a bit poor, but the furniture that should be there is still complete, you see. She walked into the side of the room, patted the blackened wardrobe of unknown age, and then patted the bare hard board bed next to the wardrobe, "The wardrobe and the bed are both good, by the way, And the ceiling fan." She pointed to the ceiling.

Chen Ziran looked up, and there was a yellow-green ceiling fan in the center of the room. It looked like it hadn't been cleaned for a long time. The ceiling fan was covered with black spider webs, and the edges of the fan blades were all black ash.

The weather at the end of December, even though Linyuan is located on the southern coast, the climate is mild in winter, after standing in this room for a while, Chen Ziran still felt cool, and his right arm and shoulder joints began to turn sore.

The only advantage of this house is that it has an independent kitchen and bathroom. Although they are not very big, Chen Ziran is already very satisfied with his own bathing and cooking places.

"Water and electricity bills are collected on the fifth day of every month. The water bill is 7 yuan per ton, and the electricity bill is [-]. If the light bulb is broken or the sewer is blocked, you can call the administrator. I will leave her phone number to you later. By the way, you can also leave me a mobile phone number, just in case I can’t find you. "

Chen Ziran said, "I don't have a mobile phone."

"How can I do that?" Sister Wu frowned, "Your job is to keep the four alleys clean, and the captain of the team has to contact your people as soon as something happens. You don't even have a mobile phone. Where can you ask others to find you? Can you afford to take responsibility for the delay?"

"I... I'll go buy one tomorrow." Chen Yuran looked embarrassed and asked in a low voice: "Sister Wu, do you know where there is a place that sells cheap mobile phones? Don't be too nice, as long as you can make calls! I don't have any money with me , and have to wait until the salary is paid, if you buy a mobile phone that is too expensive..."

She wrung her fingers and did not continue.

Sister Wu looked at the embarrassment on her face, and thought that it would not be easy for the child to live alone in Linyuan, so she didn't make things difficult for her, she just said: "Forget it, I still have an old mobile phone that I just bought. It didn’t take long for smart phones to become popular, and it’s a waste to leave them there for no one to use, you can go upstairs with me to get them later, just remember to apply for a calling card by yourself tomorrow.”

"Thank you! Thank you, Sister Wu!" Chen Ziran didn't care about old or new models, as long as she had a mobile phone that could make calls, it would be better than anything else, not to mention it was given to her for free.

Chen Ziran used to be very principled. She resolutely refused what was not her own, even if it was given to her by others who didn't need it, she resolutely refused to accept it, but now, Chen Ziran not only wanted it, but also wanted it with tears of gratitude.

Life is like this, when you have no money, you can't take care of those stinky problems in the past, today Chen Qiran doesn't want the mobile phone given by Wu Jie, tomorrow she will have to spend two months' food expenses to buy an expensive mobile phone.Chen Qiran was short of money, wishing she could spend every penny in two, save the money to buy a mobile phone, and give her a glimmer of hope for her university dream.

Living in a group rented house for one more day would cost an extra day for the bed. Chen Ziran got the key that night and moved into this basement.

Although the abandoned garage is cold and damp, it is fortunate that the place is large enough to cover 1000 to 1000 square meters. It is larger than the [-]-odd single rooms that Chen Ziran saw some time ago, and it is free. Chen Ziran encourages him to think , I calculated that I saved more than [-] rent per month, and I still earned it myself.

There is only a bed, a folding table, and an old-fashioned wardrobe with two doors in the room. The energy-saving lamps have been aging for a long time, and the lamp tubes have turned black, and the light is not very bright. , and her black travel bag together in the closet, sat on the bed for a while, the pain in her right arm was much worse, she gritted her teeth unconsciously.

When she was discharged from the hospital, the doctor had reminded her that her right arm might have permanent sequelae. Xichao is located in the north, and the winter is dry, so the sequelae did not feel too much. Pain, tormenting people one after another.

There was nothing in the room, not even a cup of hot water to warm my stomach.Chen Ziran took out all the clothes in the bag, put the small clothes on the bed, and covered her with the big thick cotton and down jackets that Gan Ying gave her as a quilt, enduring the pain and going through the first day when she finally settled down. night.

In the middle of the night, the humidity in the basement became severe. Chen Ziran wrapped himself tightly in a down jacket and cotton coat and still felt cold. The cold air seemed not to be blocked by the cotton down. Solitude was painful and cold, her teeth were chattering, she shrunk herself into a ball, her lips were still black with cold.She closed her eyes and forced herself to sleep, but couldn't sleep, and couldn't help but daydream, if there were two people hugging each other at this time, it wouldn't be so cold.

Thinking of this, I was dazed, and my mind was full of images of Gu Qiong sleeping with her arms around her.

She remembered that Gu Qiong's heart was full of fire, and the temperature on his body was always higher than hers. In winter, he got under the quilt and crawled on her body like a four-legged snake, like hugging a big warm stove, his internal organs were covered with heat. Not afraid of the cold at all.

The memories are so good, Chen Yuran almost couldn't help but smile reluctantly, and Gu Qiong's words flashed in his ears: "I have never liked you, I stayed with you to get close to your sister."

The corners of the mouth that were about to draw upward seemed to be frozen, half-smiling, but the scar around the mouth curled up obviously, making it ridiculously ugly.

I just felt a little heat in the palm of my hand, and it was completely cold in an instant.

The corners of Chen Yuran's mouth slowly shrunk, and she buried her head between her arched knees, forcing herself not to think about Gu Qiong, not to covet the illusory warmth she gave her in the past.

It doesn't matter, this is also one of the sequelae of being hurt, slowly, the habit will become better, once you get used to it, you will forget about Gu Qiong.

Forget it, forget it.

Chen Ziran hid in the padded clothes and beat her temples, she hated herself.Hate myself for why I can't forget Gu Qiong, why I know it's fake, but I still obsess over it from time to time, she hates herself for being worthless, someone stabbed her with a knife wrapped in sweet words, and she is still obsessed with the bit of sugar on the knife .

But Chen Ziran couldn't help but think about it, even if it was fake, the sweetness in her mouth was real, Chen Ziran's life was too bitter, Gu Qiong opened her fingers a little, and the sweetness that leaked out was in her bitter life. Li was magnified a hundred times and turned into a hundred percent sweetness, which moved Chen Ziran to tears and gave her his whole heart.

False sweetness is also sweetness. Chen Ziran is most afraid of suffering, but he has suffered for 19 years. How can he not miss the only bit of sweetness?

Will be fine.Chen Ziran hugged her arms tightly, thinking to herself, it's so cold tonight, she should be kind to herself, think about her, a little warmth to support her, so that she can survive the damp and cold winter.

Actually it doesn't work.

At the beginning, the little honey that Gu Qiong gave could indeed provide Chen Ziran with a little heat. When she was in a daze, half dreaming and half awake, the honey turned into an ice hole. Chen Ziran stepped into it, and even her bones were so cold that they creaked. The surrounding ice was so cold and slippery that she couldn't climb up, only Gu Qiong stood on top of the ice hole with his hands behind his back, smiling triumphantly, looking at her.

"Help me." Chen Ziran begged, "I'm about to freeze to death."

Gu Qiong, who was once gentle, could read love poems to her, and Gu Qiong, who made her blush, looked at her struggling from above, with his hands behind his back, without any intention of saving her.

"Why save you?" She smugly said, "I don't like you at all, look at your own face, do you know how ugly you are? I feel disgusted when I look at you."

"Help me..." Chen Ziran begged.

It's useless, Gu Qiong didn't move at all.

Chen Ziran gradually lost hope, and could only hug himself helplessly in the ice hole to keep warm.

No one can save her, and she cannot save herself.

She just feels cold.

So cold.

Chen Ziran, curled up like a shrimp, twitched on the bed.

did not wake up.

She slept coldly in the ice hole in her dream.

What was it like before meeting Gu Qiong?

Chen Ziran remembered that his life was not good in the past. With Liang Roujie, it was worse than now. In the three or nine days in Xichao City, people's toes could be frozen off. Chen Ziran's blackened old quilt was not warm at all. She had severe frostbite on her hands and feet, but she didn't feel so cold.

After being with Gu Qiong, Chen Ziran's tolerance decreased.

She used to be a tenacious weed that could survive on the barren yellow land, on the bare cliffs, and even take root in the cracks of reinforced concrete. She could endure the wind and rain and survive. go down.

Now, with such a little coldness in the south, she felt that she couldn't stand it anymore.

From frugality to luxury is easy, from luxury to frugality.

When Chen Qiran had nothing, Gu Qiong made her seem to have the whole world, and then caught off guard and tore the hypocrisy of the whole world to pieces in front of her.

Just like the little match girl, when the fire went out, the hallucination disappeared, and she died in the ice and snow.

It is difficult to go from luxury to frugality.

After experiencing the feeling of being distressed, even if it is fake, when I return to the lonely and helpless situation again, it is difficult not to miss the warmth at that time.

In Chen Ziran's world, the bunch of false hopes extinguished so quickly, she always thought of Gu Qiong's goodness, and immediately followed by Gu Qiong's deception, back and forth, interspersed in her mind, causing her pain It's about to split in two.

I can only say something cold in my heart.

People struggling to survive have no time to waste entangled with the past, which is a luxury.

……

At four o'clock in the morning the next day, Chen Ziran was woken up by the old mobile phone alarm clock given to her by her landlord, Wu Jie. She didn't sleep well that night. When she woke up, Chen Ziran's head was a little dizzy and her nose was blocked.

But don't catch a cold.Chen Ziran put on the thickest sweater, and rubbed her face vigorously under the faucet. The biting cold water refreshed her all of a sudden. She patted her cheek and said to herself, Chen Ziran, be happy, everything is fine. Developing in a good direction, if you find a job, at least you won't starve to death in Linyuan City.

"Since no one loves you anymore, you have to learn to love yourself." She murmured to Qiang in front of the faucet, trying to pull the corners of her mouth to both cheeks, forcing out a bright smile, and her lips moved. She moved, so softly that only she could hear it.

"Of course, happy birthday."

She doesn't like the word "little", like a lonely curse, if possible, she wants to change her name to Ranran.

Chen Ranran, an ordinary and pleasant name, or double pronunciation, a bit cute, so no matter who calls her, she will be very kind, as if she has many friends.

The fact is that Chen Ziran can only say happy birthday to the wall, not even daring to look in the mirror.

She is too ugly, and she is not used to facing her own ugliness.

……

One week before Christmas, Gu Qiong's school began to be on holiday.

The air ticket back to China is very expensive. Chen Ziying used her vacation time to stay in the local area to work to earn living expenses, while Gu Qiong flew back to London, England to accompany her parents.

Before leaving, Gu Qiong asked Chen Ziying to have a drink together, and gave her a birthday present, which was a watch worth [-] US dollars.

Chen Ziying pushed back to her, "I don't want it."

"Take it, if you want to fit into your class circle."

They are studying at a century-old institution with a long history, and among the alumni there are many world-leading talents and financial tycoons from all walks of life.Of course, the tuition fees are also famously expensive all over the world. The so-called 30 yuan that Chen Ziying learned before coming here is just superficial. Therefore, those who can enter this school are either the elite among the elite, and the tuition fees are extremely free of all miscellaneous fees. There are also scholarships, enough to complete four years of study with peace of mind; or the top wealthy, a group of rich second generations who treat money as a numbers game.

Chen Ziying is an elite, but she is not an elite among the elites who want the school to spend money to invite her to study, or she has not become such a top elite, nor is she a rich second generation who can play with money, or an Asian with black hair and black eyes , It is really different on campus.

Her exquisite appearance and unfriendly personality brought her a group of rich second-generation youths who just wanted to have fun with her, but they didn't bring her a single friend. make friends.

Once, Gu Qiong was in the same public class with her, and saw her sitting alone in the front row of the classroom, listening carefully, her front, back, left, and left were all vacant, as if an invisible circle had been drawn between her and everyone Suddenly, the hiding place of Gu Qiong's heart was pinched by ants.

Not for her, but because of her sister, Chen Ziran.

In Gu Qiong's memory, Chen Ziran always seems to be like this, isolated from everyone, wandering outside of social life, when Gu Qiong is there, she can take her to squeeze among classmates, but when Gu Qiong is not, she can only sit Looking at her classmates enviously chatting with each other, their eyes longing, but they can't get into it at all.

Just like many physical education classes in the third year of high school, when Gu Qiong was there, people took Chen Qiran to play together. When Gu Qiong was not there, Chen Qiran sat and ran to the grass next to him, grabbed the grass, and silently weaved grasshoppers by himself.

"They are playing badminton, why don't you go?" Sitting next to her, Gu Qiong asked her.

Chen Ziran whispered, "I don't want to play."

But after Gu Qiong took her to the court, she obviously had a good time. Although she was not very good at hitting, Gu Qiong had to teach her how to hold and swing the racket, but in that physical education class, her face was smiling. His face was full of red light, which was very beautiful.

It's not that she doesn't want to play, it's that no one wants to play with her.

The current Chen Ziying has a bit of Chen Ziran on her body.

Gu Qiong felt sorry for Chen Ziran and didn't want her sister to repeat her mistakes, so she gave Chen Ziying this watch in order to help her integrate into the social circle.

A watch is the most unobtrusive accessory that can show one's identity. The watch that Gu Qie gave is not expensive, but its limited edition is rare. Most of the same model on the market go to the children of wealthy families, and ordinary people can't get it even if they want it.

This is a stepping stone that can quickly bring Chen Ziying closer to her classmates.

Chen Ziying refused very firmly, "Thank you Miss Gu for your concern, but I am not a rich person, and I never thought of making friends in the first year of school. I don't need any stepping stones."

Gu Qiong saw a little shadow of Chen Ziran in Chen Ziying, and pretended to be clever to love her, but he didn't know that Chen Ziying and Chen Ziran were two completely different people, Chen Ziying's loneliness was passive, and Chen Ziying's loneliness was active .With Chen Ziying's long-sleeved skills, making friends and expanding contacts is just a very easy task. She didn't because she didn't want to.

It is meaningless to make more friends who are not worth using. Chen Ziying is not Chen Ziran. She does not need ethereal "friendship" to provide her with stable emotional value. She is just observing in the first semester, who can provide her with the future? Paving the way, who can be a booster or a stepping stone on the road to her success, such talents are valuable.

Hearing what she said, Gu Qi was a little surprised on his face, secretly admiring him in his heart, thinking that he was a member of the Gu family after all, and his thoughtful and far-reaching plans were not as good as that of Chen Ziying who came from an ordinary family. Secretly judged, people like Chen Ziying, if they can't be used for their own use in the future, they must be a huge threat.

Gu Qiong didn't try to persuade her any more, she picked up the wine glass and touched Chen Ziying's glass, smiled slightly, "Drink."

When Gu Qiong was in her third year of high school, she always wanted to have fun in college and meet a few blond girls. She was so enthusiastic, and it was exciting to think about it. However, after entering college, all her eagerness was frozen. Knowing her orientation There are many people, and there are more hotgirls who take the initiative to send to the door. Gu Qi is not interested at all. What she always thinks about in her heart is Chen Qiran on the other side of the world far away from the mountains and seas.

How is Chen Ziran's rehabilitation going?Is her face repaired?In half a year, she will return to campus again, and I hope she can make a few close friends in college.

The kind that really treats her well.

Gu Qiong always carries the jade bead that was dug out from Chen Ziran's bloody clothes, touching the warm jade in the dead of night, just like embracing Chen Ziran, she often meets Chen Ziran in her dreams, lying on her bed In the bosom, the voice was thin and waxy, and then it became sweet and greasy, the atmosphere was beautiful, and it happened naturally.

After waking up, there was nothing but a cold moon outside the window. In the second half of the night, I was completely insomnia, flipping through the photos on my phone and sitting until dawn.

Chen Ziran doesn't like taking pictures, she doesn't like her appearance.

She always hides when Gu Qiong wants to take pictures of her, so there are not many photos left. The only photo in Gu Qiong's mobile phone is a photo secretly taken by Gu Qiong with her arms around her after the first time.

At that time Chen Qiran was in a deep sleep, and Gu Qiong bullied her badly, a drop of wet tear was pitifully seeping from the corner of her eye, which looked soft and moist, which made her blush cheeks even more attractive.

At that time, Gu Qiong was taking advantage of others' prestige to deliberately get Chen Ziran drunk, and it was their first time.

It was also the first time for Chen Ziran to drink alcohol, drunkenly holding the wine bottle, propping his head, with a crooked body, a half-grinning smirk, a pair of dark eyes staring at Gu Qiong fiercely, the eyes were radiant and dewy , Hazy, pure and innocent, actually added an indescribable beauty to that mediocre face.

Gu Qiong was infatuated, like a fish biting the bait, just being hooked by Chen Qiran.

Then things went smoothly.

It actually feels good, especially when kissing.

The drunk Chen Ziran was as obedient as a milk cat, and even his snort was soft.

Gu Qiong was inexperienced and hurt her several times. She didn't know what to say, endured, endured, until Gu Qiong found out the next day, and Gu Qiong proudly regarded it as her medal.

It's just such a cowardly and stubborn woman with strong endurance, who unknowingly occupied Gu Qiong's heart. She thought she was still the same as before, playing games in the world, loving beautiful women, and only after hurting her did she realize that she was not. I can never change back to myself.

Gu Qiong and Chen Ziying were drinking, and when they were half-drunk, they pinched the beads between their collarbones, and uttered the words deep in their hearts with their tongues out, "I miss Chen Ziran so much."

Chen Ziying was also drunk, and slapped her on the face, cursing viciously: "Bah, what right do you have to miss her? What right do you have to love her?"

After one slap, Gu Qiang didn't fight back, and Chen Ziying slapped her on the face several more times, "I hooked you up by posting a few broken photos, you are such a lowly thing, how dare you say you miss her? You don't even She is not worthy of carrying her shoes!"

Gu Qiong's face was flushed by the fan, and he hugged the wine bottle and laughed, "You are right, I have no right to miss her."

"I killed her."

The wounds on the face can be healed, but what about the wounds on the body?It is impossible for Chen Ziran's right hand to return to its original state.

Chen Ziying saw the tears streaming down her face with a smile, and suddenly sat down on the chair, covered her face and sobbed, "You are not worthy, and neither am I."

"I am her murderer."

They confess in favorable circumstances, thereby assuaging their unease of conscience.

Chen Ziran didn't have time to care whether the two of them were worthy or not. They drank expensive red wine, ate well-cooked food, and refused a limited edition watch worth 20 US dollars. , Chen Ziran was sleeping in a [-] yuan a night group rented house, covering his ugly face so that no one could see him, holding his travel bag with all his belongings in his arms, worrying about tomorrow's livelihood.

The author has something to say: I found out that I made a mistake in the last sentence yesterday, so I said how weird the reader's comments are.

It's not that I love to read Gouxue Wen on the public screen, but I put "I love to watch Gou Xuewen" on the public screen, which is useless.

Because I love to read Gouxue Wen (laughing to death), this must be so much love hahahahahahahahaha.

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感谢在2020-08-1322:12:06~2020-08-1423:21:04期间为我投出霸王票或灌溉营养液的小天使哦~

Thanks to the little angel who cast the rocket launcher: Huakai Fugui, V Ni 1;

Thanks to the little angel who threw the grenade: 3 Yu Qinghan, the top player in Lily Slag's attack world;

感谢投出地雷的小天使：薅社会主义羊毛7个；提灯换盏6个；我有一头小毛驴5个；Rikaan3个；猪头、沐阳、唯有垂杨管别离、五月、罗罗、DetectiveLi、沉迷吸花小僵尸2个；山中无老虎、Joy、42158299、管悦、镜飞彩激推bot、空城、取个渣名、kiki要一直走花路啊、姜杉宝宝超可爱、小寿司、无闲、96的喵先森、kayo、零澪伶、梦醒时分、金色飞贼不会飞、會有的、穿裤衩的大叔、婉儿乱杀了1个；

感谢灌溉营养液的小天使：Rikaan171瓶；罗罗135瓶；眼中得缺点115瓶；日轮60瓶；烟雨任平生、培叽50瓶；提灯换盏48瓶；宾鸿35瓶；西西、kiki要一直走花路啊、柳叶留30瓶；32860207、MgCl26H2O26瓶；馴容高手文星星、啊呀哟20瓶；一模一样的烟火19瓶；唯有垂杨管别离16瓶；墨墨14瓶；beanbean13瓶；□□dd□□dd6699、迷失在笼子里@小咪、22779107、?d??不死大盗不止10瓶；愣愣6瓶；洛水之舟、DoubleTimber、夜光、414157485瓶；戴萌圈外女友4瓶；zvgxdgv、235932023瓶；鸭头冲啊！！！、阿娜2瓶；趴在猫上的兔子、莫兔子的小狼崽、长安也是归故里、梦醒时分、qzuser1瓶；

Thank you very much for your support, I will continue to work hard!